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24 August 2012 @ 05:44 pm
Alpha Male (1/1), [Halo, Iron Man, Crysis]  
Title: Alpha Male
Fandom: Halo, Iron Man, Crysis
Characters & Pairings: Tony Stark, Alcatraz, John-117, JARVIS, Cortana, and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it Tony/Pepper
Rating & Warnings: K+, impossible merging of fandoms, spoilers for The Avengers, Crysis 2 (and 3?)
Word Count: 1,000+
Genre: Humor, Gen
Summary: "So, you’re still having trouble deciding who’s the alpha male, huh?"
Author's Notes: This is all fantasticjackie's fault.



“Don’t tell me that you guys don’t drink.” Tony’s statement is punctuated with a scowl.

He looks at the two men sitting at the table in one of the conference rooms in the Avenger Tower. All three men are wearing different suit of armor, but only Tony has taken off his helmet.

Alcatraz shrugs. “I used to, but Prophet isn’t big on the idea. Says it makes him lose his focus.”

Tony gives him a perturbed look. “Still fighting that whole split personality thing, huh?” He looks at the seven-foot Spartan sitting across from him. “What about you?”

“Never touched it.” John shakes his head.

Tony points his index finger at him. “You remind me of another prudish soldier I used to know,” he remarks wistfully. Then, he takes a drink from the shotglass before he can say anything else.

Alcatraz leans forward. The overhead lights reflect off his red visor. “We all know why we’re here.”

John nods. Tony does the same.

“There’s been some disagreement as to who has the most superior armor.” Alcatraz continues as he assess both of the other men. “Today we’re going to resolve the issue once and for all.”

“It’s quite simple. I do.” Tony points down at himself. “They say the suit makes the man and we all know that I am the man.”

Alcatraz looks at John, not directly addressing Tony’s claim. “Do you know what happened to Stark when he went through the portal to get rid of the nuclear bomb during the Chitauri attack?”

The Spartan nods. “His suit ran out of power. And oxygen.” Even with his face hidden behind the visor, it was easy to tell the Spartan was less than impressed.

Tony held up his finger. “That was a slight design flaw. One that has been addressed.”

“The air supply in my suit wasn’t an issue when I transported a bomb to the Covenant in space,” John replied.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes. You saved the earth from some evil aliens.” He lowered his voice. “I don’t know if you know this, but me and Cyclops have done the same thing.”

“Cyclops?” Alcatraz cries, rankled.

“Oh come on! It’s clear that whoever came up with that suit’s design read a few too many X-Men comics,” Tony replies. “You’re just jealous that you don’t have a Jean Grey.”

“Besides,” Tony says, guiding the conversation back to the original topic. “Your armor--” He looks at John. “--sinks to the bottom of the ocean like a stone.”

“Mine does not.” Alcatraz is positively smug.

“Your suit doesn’t even have a propulsion system,” Tony says, shaking his head. “Tell me, Al, does it get tiring having to walk everywhere you want to go?”
Alcatraz doesn’t answer Tony’s question. He continues presenting his case. “ I have a state-of-the-art AI embedded within my suit.” He gives a quick demonstration of the program’s abilities.

“‘State-of-the-art’?” Tony asks incredulously. “Telling you that your nano-vision is enabled?” He shakes his head as if he’s disgusted. “And let’s not get started about its personality. Even he--” He nods towards John. “--has more charisma. If you really want to talk about a leading-edge AI, I’d like to introduce you to JARVIS.”

He raises his voice. “Go ahead and say hello.”

A British voice came from all around them, floating through the room’s speakers. “A pleasure to meet you Mr. Alcatraz and Mr...”

“Just call him Johnny-boy,” Tony instructs. “The guy needs to lighten up a bit.”

“Of course, sir.”

“JARVIS is my right-hand man,” Tony explains. “He monitors all of my suit’s readouts, my vitals and has one hell of a recipe for a Bloody Mary. Not that you two would be interested.” He leans back in his chair. “So, let’s recap. I have the best suit--”

“That hasn’t been settled,” Alcatraz interjects.

“--and the best AI.” He grins widely. “Are you two ready to concede?”

“You haven’t seen Cortana.” John’s voice carries a confidence about it that causes the smile to slide of Tony’s face.

Tony’s eyebrows go down. “What’s a Cortana?”

John reaches around to the back of his helmet. A small rectangular piece of plastic is in his hand. He sets it down on the middle of the table. “She is.”

Seconds later, a blue hologram appears from the center of the chip. “So, you’re still having trouble deciding who’s the alpha male, huh?” she asks, amused.

She studies all three men closely then looks back at John. “Based on suit’s power, abilities and, of course, artificial intelligence, I’d have to give the nod to the Chief. No offense, boys.”

Tony looks at the Spartan, stupefied. “Wait a minute. You have a naked--”

“Half naked,” John interrupts.

“--Mostly naked, beautiful AI that goes with you everywhere you go and you just now mention it?”

Cortana raises her eyebrow. “You forgot intelligent.”

Alcatraz shifts his gaze from the hologram to John. “I like her already. Much better than my AI.” He puts down the money on the table with a thud. “You win.”

He, along with John and Cortana, turn to Tony expectantly.

Tony releases a sigh and plops down a handful of bills. “Alright, I’ll give up, Johnny, but only because your AI intimidates me.” He winks. “Not that that’s a bad thing.”

She smirks and looks at John. “He’s as charming as I thought he’d be. You could learn a thing or two from him.”

“I really like her,” Alcatraz comments.

John says nothing as he stands. Cortana disappears back into the chip and he scoops it up in one hand and grabs the money with the other. With one quick move, he slides the chip back into place. He nods at the two of them. “Gentlemen.”

Less than a minute passes before Alcatraz pushes his seat from the table. “I need to talk to Gould.” As he crosses the room, he starts muttering about improving his suit’s program.

“Sir,” JARVIS says somewhat nervously. “You aren’t thinking about...upgrading my systems, are you?”

A set of footsteps cross the floor. “He wouldn't think of it.” Pepper leans down and kisses the corner of Tony’s mouth. “Would you, Mr. Stark?”

Tony lets out another long sigh. “It never crossed my mind, Miss Potts.”

 
 
 
Jackie: Megamind - LOLfantasticjackie on August 25th, 2012 01:07 am (UTC)
ROFL XD I make no apologies for my influence!

This is too funny for words! I love how Cortana just settles the whole thing! XD Ahh, Tony is so cocky. And yay! Alcatraz speaks! :D

There's no way you could know, but I too have been working on a Halo/Ironman crossover crackfic at the request of a buddy. ^^ Mine focuses on the AI's a bit more... Hehe. It's early stages at best, but I now have quite a follow up to achieve in light of this funny ficcy!
yappichick: Laugh: Strongbadyappichick on August 25th, 2012 01:22 am (UTC)
You know, the whole thing just came to me as I was walking to pick the girls up from school today. And, you know how demanding the muse can be, ROFL.

Dude, really? That's pretty awesome. I've been working on a (much more serious) fic based around this picture: http://ghosts-of-reach.tumblr.com/post/28002333157/darthjustin-i-really-think-this-picture-cant

Halo/Avengers crossovers, FTW! LOL
Jackie: Avengers - Cap Throw Shieldfantasticjackie on August 25th, 2012 11:26 pm (UTC)
OoO That picture!

And a serious Cap/Halo crossover? My life just got more amazing. ... Lemme just fan these flames a little more: will Indy be making an appearance, too? ;D
yappichick: Halo: Cortana: I like crazyyappichick on August 25th, 2012 11:59 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I sort of fell in love with that picture when I saw it.

Well, er, it's more of a Halo/Avengers quasi-crossover. (Is that such a thing?) It's more like the events of the Avengers took place. The story itself takes place at the beginning of Halo 2. (I know, I'm crazy.)

Dude, I am SO writing that Captain America/Indiana Jones crossover. I should just sit down and watch CA or The Last Crusade and my muse would be chomping at the bit. (I really am quite excited about the whole idea.)

But, now that I've let the idea of a Cap/Halo crossover stew in my head, I've got an idea for an AU. You know, like the Tesseract is really a Forerunner artifact. Now I just have to figure out a way for John to be able to travel back in time...Dude, you are trouble for my muse. LOL
Jackie: Avengers - The Avengersfantasticjackie on August 26th, 2012 04:58 am (UTC)
So... Basically, the Avengers become Halo canon? Er... fanon, I guess. I'll agree with crazy and raise you to intriguing.

Just never watch that 4th Indy movie. I think it was you who said you hadn't seen it, in which case I envy your blissful ignorance!

Hmm... Maybe he finds a Stargate and uses it in conjunction with a solar flare? LOL (Do you know what's funny? When I first saw the Tesseract, my immediate thought was, "That's gotta be Forerunner." I'm not even joking. XD)

I prefer to think of myself as inspirational. -Whether good or bad is up to interpretation. ;D
yappichick: Captain America: Steve with Shieldyappichick on August 27th, 2012 04:35 pm (UTC)
Yeah...fanon works. I'm just trying to figure out how I want to take the fic. I have one version where Jarvis is there and becomes a (small) part of the story and one where he's just referenced. My original intention was to go with the second idea, but then I would have to ditch the lines:

"Am I going to have to keep breaking up fights between you and other AIs?"

She shot him a disapproving look. "You should know by now I don't play well with others, especially when they are keeping me from what I want."

So, for now, it sits half-written in my notebook until I can figure out what in the world I'm wanting to do. Poor John, just wanting to be reunited with his buds in New Momasa, and I am keeping him in a state of flux. LOL

Babe flipped the 4th Indy movie on last month for about five minutes. That was enough for me. LOL

Oh, you're totally a good inspiration. My muse thanks you. LOL